The Phrases shared by A Parent Which Helped Me during my time as a First-Time Dad

"I think I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the challenges of being a father.

Yet the reality soon proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her chief support while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he burnt out. It was a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support.

The direct words "You're not in a good spot. You must get assistance. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mothers and about PND, less is said about the struggles new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a larger failure to open up among men, who continue to absorb negative perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a sign of failure to request help. I failed to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to ask for a pause - taking a few days away, away from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a change to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the expression of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "bad choices" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he says. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell a friend, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. It could be playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - eating well, physical activity and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they confronted their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."